


See Ya

by ourladyofmumbles



Category: The Expanse (TV)
Genre: F/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-19 00:15:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11301771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourladyofmumbles/pseuds/ourladyofmumbles
Summary: A look into Octavia and Joe's relationship prior to the start of the show.





	See Ya

“My old partner… he used to say… ‘some people are born with a foot in the grave’… that, um… no matter what they did, part of them would always… drag them down, that no matter how hard they tried –”

“Cut the crap, Joe.” Octavia’s tone was no-nonsense and angry, the tone she’d perfected to use on the thugs they dragged down to the station who thought she was nothing but a pretty face. He smiled, looking at his fingertips: he’d taught her that tone. “And for fucks sake, look at me.” She finished, and he closed his eyes. He thought about the way she used to talk when they just met: light, gentle, with an implied sort of importance that all inners seemed to have. The sort of built-in confidence that came from a life where survival was all but guaranteed…

“I really don’t have the time or patience to sit here while you contemplate eternity.” Her voice now sounded tired and exasperated, “look, either cut to the chase or pass out, my rotation starts soon.” She shifted on the bed, he could picture her throwing off the covers and swinging her legs off the side. He sighed.

“I can’t… I can’t be fixed.” He tilted his head up before opening his eyes, slowly focusing on the way her hair fell on her forehead, the deep brown of her eyes, and finally laying to rest on the hard line of her mouth.

“You woke me up for this? You woke me up to break up with me?” disbelief turned to anger as she swallowed hard. “Are you drunk?!” He was drunk. There was no way he’d have the courage to do this sober. He sighed and looked back up to her eyes again.

“I… I know… I know you want to, I know you want me to change but I… its… it’s just who I am…”

“Bullshit.” She spat, standing. He kept his eyes trained on the spot she had been sitting in, looking at how the shadows played on the wrinkles in the bedsheets. “You pretend to be this wall of stone but that’s a load of crap, Joe. Everything gets to you, everything hits you, that’s why you’re so miserable all the time. It’s not ‘the way you are’, it’s a piss-poor coping mechanism you use to shut the world out.” The words were dripping venom now, and he smiled.

“You know me so well, huh?”

“I’m _trying_ to, Joe, but every time I get close you shut me out! Every time I reach out you just shut down, drink yourself half to death, and come home bloodied and bruised. I know you don’t have to be that way, I’ve seen you care about people, but you’re too afraid to let that part of you show.” The venom had worked itself out of her voice, and now her tone was soft and tired. “It’s not that you can’t change, it’s that you’re too afraid to even try.” He was, god he was terrified. From the moment he saw her he knew she was the kind of woman who would leave him different if he let her. He’d known every grimy inch of Ceres, how the pieces fit, the cycle of life as dull and predictable as the air recyclers humming above them, but she was a breath of fresh air. Octavia was the light of a sun he’d never known, and he had burned himself up trying to get close to her warmth. He turned to look at her.

“We can’t keep doing this.” His voice was nearly a whisper, and his eyes dropped from her face to her waist to her hands at her sides. She was clenching her fists. He remembered the way her hands felt in his, so solid beneath his paper-thin skin. How she’d bring his fingertips to her lips and kiss each one, how she’d told him she was afraid of crushing his fingers, their bones so slender and delicate compared to hers…

“Well, I guess that’s it then.” There was no emotion anymore, just a dull flat tone. He should look up, take her hand, tell her he was sorry, tell her the truth. _I don’t want to drag you down with me, I don’t want to break you too…_

He ran a hand through his greasy black hair and stood slowly, keeping his eyes on the floor. He didn’t want to know if she was crying or not, and he didn’t want to find out which would hurt him more. He turned his back to her and walked towards the door, grabbing his hat from the counter as he went.

“See you on rotation, Octavia.”

“Yeah. See ya Miller.”

 


End file.
